okay thanks

Now... this hurts.

Okay, so this really hurts. My heart has never felt so.. um.... broken, sad, and disappointed. Well, you would say, okay move on now, you need to get over this quick, dont dwell, and dont let this slow you down in other parts of your life. Well, you are probably right, and that's probably what I would say to another person that's in similar situation as me now too. And I do know yes I should pick myself up and move on.

The thing is, the thing is... with all the things going on in my life, always on the go, always something happening and always being busy, never slowing down; the opportunity to have something being soooo close to my true heart, to be so honest to how I feel, to be able to have something that's this BIG and IMPORTANT that I have to slow myself down, that I don't really know how to pick myself up, that forces me to just sit and just... dwell.... well, opportunity like this is really really really RARE. I am competent, I am intellegent, I am young and I am athletic; I am capable of doing a lot of things at the same time in my life. I take advantage of that, try to live my life to the max.... and let them take over me.

Anywayz, maybe it is okay for me to dwell for a while, sit here, can't pick myself up, and just.... dwell, getting to know myself, my heart better.

I am not gonna lie, I am not gonna try to be tough, I am gonna give myself a chance to remember how much this hurts, to know that yes, I still have a heart full of love.