okay thanks

Now... this hurts.

Okay, so this really hurts. My heart has never felt so.. um.... broken, sad, and disappointed. Well, you would say, okay move on now, you need to get over this quick, dont dwell, and dont let this slow you down in other parts of your life. Well, you are probably right, and that's probably what I would say to another person that's in similar situation as me now too. And I do know yes I should pick myself up and move on.

The thing is, the thing is... with all the things going on in my life, always on the go, always something happening and always being busy, never slowing down; the opportunity to have something being soooo close to my true heart, to be so honest to how I feel, to be able to have something that's this BIG and IMPORTANT that I have to slow myself down, that I don't really know how to pick myself up, that forces me to just sit and just... dwell.... well, opportunity like this is really really really RARE. I am competent, I am intellegent, I am young and I am athletic; I am capable of doing a lot of things at the same time in my life. I take advantage of that, try to live my life to the max.... and let them take over me.

Anywayz, maybe it is okay for me to dwell for a while, sit here, can't pick myself up, and just.... dwell, getting to know myself, my heart better.

I am not gonna lie, I am not gonna try to be tough, I am gonna give myself a chance to remember how much this hurts, to know that yes, I still have a heart full of love.

me

I am a dreamer, and I am a sap, I admit it. Always dreaming about those romantic stories in the movies would happen to me. I try to be realistic, I do, but I can't help it. I just keep dreaaaaaaaming and loving, and then get disappointed. We will see when the day is that I finally feel hurt enough to stop. Hopefully never.

Hth Sci Building

I must say, Hth Sci Building has been goooood to me. I love studying there!! The library is bright (white walls, lotta lights), with a lot of interesting books (all the gory pictures) that I can read when I take breaks from my own studying (I am a nerd), and a lot of good looking girls (I leave this for the least because this is the least important reason).

And one more reason, I appreciate this reason SO SO SOOO MUCH. The washrooms are AWSOME. Why?? They are CLEAN (most of the time), great ventilation (don't smell), and BIG toilet seats. The only thing I would complain about is that the toilet papers have quite rough surface. I have to tell you, some of the most..um.. profound thoughts in life I have ever had are from when I am sitting on the can.

This is what I thought of yesterday.

So, they say when you are in love, the person you are in love with will make you want to be a better person. Well, I think, well, that's expected, of course!! I think for me, the more important thing is that when I am with the person I am in love with, if we will both become better. Not just want to be better, but actually becoming better.

Anywayz, YaY Hth Sci Building!!

toilet seat

Is it just me?? I find that most of the asian food places have small toilet seats in their washroom. Or maybe my ass is just getting fat?

confused

what the fuck??
So now I am the bad guy. *sigh*

*calm down.. calm down..... calm down........ take it out on the weights*

Oh yea.... I AM the bad guy. Hahahaha.... And what are you gonna do about it? Eh? More like, what CAN you do about it?

Character

"Don't let this game change you; you change the game!" (Doherty, 2004)

Okay I have to say something..

This going to be my longest entry by far. I am just sick and tired of people accusing Barry Bonds for the wrong reason.

So a fan tossed syringe at Barry Bonds; children boooooing at him at batting practices.

OKAY.

What do you guys know????? Is there any evidence showing that Barry Bonds is tested positive?? No. You really don't think by working hard, lifting weights, proper DILIGENT diet that a person can gain 50lbs of muscles over the years?? Oh COME ON!! If that's the stinking case, the I am on 'roids too. PISS OFF!!

All I am trying to say is, give the guy a stinking break. Most of YOU, yes, YOUUUU, I am looking at you, have NO IDEA what hard training means, have no idea what suffering means in the training sense, suffereing as PHYSICALLY and MENTALLY. NO IDEA!! I tell you right now, a lot of the varsity athletes whom I have worked with have no idea either. That's a bold statement, and I KNOW. But it is true.

I am not saying he did not use steroids either. But till he is tested positive, you cannot state that he is guilty. Who are you? God? You see through everything? No, you don't. All the resources I have, and I am sure it is the same with most people, are random pictures of him 10+ years ago, and yes he DID look skinny, but I believe that most of us can put on 50lbs of muscle over that kind of length of time. How would you feel if people just throw all the hard work you did away and give the credit to drugs?

And baseball is not just about size, it is about techniques as well. Ask most people who have worked with Ichiro Suzuki, they will tell you, if Ichiro wants, he can easily hit over 30 homers a year, he just chooses to play the role he does now.

Be patient, let Selig and the investigators do their jobs. The truth will come out soon.

Think about it. Start working out. If you have BIG BALLS, let me train you, and get ready to suffer. And let's see if you use steriods.

On a side note, and I am not a racist. Barry is black, they have crazy genes. Haha. I am SERIOUS.

I hate

I hate incompetent people.

desire

How much God's given you is up to him; how much you want to follow Him is up to you.