control freak

Everyone keeps saying this is a control issue, everyone keeps telling me to let go. OMG do I seem like a control freak to you? All I am saying is.. this hurts.. hurts so bad that I am absolutely powerless to fight back or picking myself up. I know I don't have control over things. I want to move to Yukon, wait, that's too cold, I mean..... Jamaica. Wait, maybe Austria. Hmmm...